


Marital Bliss

by piggybackride (mssileas)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Cultural Differences, Drabble, F/F, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pregnancy, fake marriages
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:23:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssileas/pseuds/piggybackride
Summary: Written for theWeekly Assignment prompt!Chapter 1 - Week Six:Birthday/AnniversaryIt's their first wedding anniversary. Jamie has a little surprise in store.Chapter 2 - Week Seven:Fixed It.Jamie gets cold feet. Mako's here to save the day. Zarya needs to step in.Chapter 3 - Week Thirteen:Bad Luck(NEW!)Different house - different rules. Zarya and Jamie butt heads over how to welcome the newest family member.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome back!
> 
> This is a silly, fluffy, loopy plotbunny that wouldn't leave me alone, so I wanted to share :)
> 
> Thanks to [Silly](http://sillyscrunchy.tumblr.com/) for editing <3
> 
> Enjoy!

It was the most beautiful, peaceful Sunday morning - the sky showed off a palette of soft oranges and pinks and blues. It was spotted only by single clouds, as thick and fluffy as cotton candy, and birds were chirping in the trees. 

The first rays of sun fell through the window, and Jamie watched them gently caress soft curves and creamy skin where Mei was still sound asleep. She did look adorable like that, perfectly warm and cuddly and quite frankly adorable with her black hair tousled from the pillow she was currently smushing her face into, hugging a second one close to her chest. She had wriggled free from under the blanket, though, so it hung loosely over her plump hips and revealed her naked back and Jamie smiled a bit to himself.  
Under any other circumstances, it would probably have been considered a crime to interrupt such a decidedly serene moment - but it was a special day.Carefully, as not to wake her yet, he balanced a tray towards the night stand, trying not to spill steaming hot tea all over himself and the new carpet. That wasn’t exactly easy with one prosthetic leg, but on this day he was trying to go the extra mile. 

He managed to put the tray down without making a complete mess of the bedroom, surprisingly, and cautiously sat down on the edge of the bed. Mei stirred, but didn’t wake, and Jamie took a minute to cherish the peacefulness of this very moment.  
It was hard to believe that today should already be their first wedding anniversary. The weeks and months had just flown by, as they were wont to do when you were the happiest you had ever been in your entire life. And they were truly, truly happy.

Mei’s cute, chubby face scrunched up a bit when he reached out to gently run his fingers through her silky hair, but she just refused to slip from her pleasant dreams. Finally, Jamie leaned over her

“Good mornin’, wifey,” he grinned. “Happy Anniversary!”

She made a tired sound and blinked sleepily - once, twice, before she finally opened up her eyes for good to look up at him. 

And started _screaming_.  
Pillows were hurled in his general direction as Mei screamed bloody murder at him, cursing and yelling in a wild mix of English and Chinese while Jamie just laughed hysterically. She was clutching the blanket to her naked chest with one hand and reaching for a book on the nightstand with the other to hit him with it wherever she could reach - which wasn’t really a lot, because she had short arms and was still busy trying to cover herself.  
Jamie was gasping and wheezing from laughing at her so hard he just let himself fall backwards onto the bed, wiping tears from his eyes and only swatting back against her attack half-heartedly - he had known that was gonna get her good, but he had not anticipated her actually yelling into his face. 

“What is wrong with you?!” Mei’s voice could reach painfully high notes when she was screeching. “I was sleeping! I’m not even dressed, you -” stream of Chinese expletives was hurled at him while Jamie tried to get his breathing back under control, still chuckling and giggling when Mei pulled the blanket all over herself - judging from the wiggling underneath he supposed she was putting on a discarded shirt she had pulled free from between the mattress and the frame. 

“Get out of bed now,” a firm voice with a familiar, heavy Russian accent drew his attention to the doorway, where Zarya was grinning at him with an amused twinkle in her eyes.

“‘Scuse me? You’d think I’d be allowed ta lay in bed with ma own ‘lil wife, wouldn’t ya?” Jamie did not doubt that she would actually grab him and effortlessly throw him out the window if he didn’t listen to her, though, and so he dramatically rolled off the bed. 

“Very funny, idiot,” Mei huffed when she pulled the blanket off as soon as she was decent again, barely able to calm down from having to be so upset right after waking up, and kicked at Jamie to help him along for good measure. “What are you even doing here?” She threw a scolding look to Zarya. “And why did you allow this?!”  
The big woman just laughed and then shrugged. 

“It was just fun - I allowed once, because he is good husband. Does not live here, does not want to fuck you -” Mei blushed into a fierce tomato red at that, “- does lie to Immigration Police like professional. Good husband deserves reward.” She smirked, and obviously she did find it a bit funny to prank her own girlfriend like that, though there was something much more affectionate in her amusement than in Jamie’s. 

“Well I learned from the best!” the blond exclaimed, stretching out his limbs before turning his head towards the door to sniff. He hummed approvingly. “And he’s makin’ some real fancy shit for breakfast. ‘Specially for our one year anniversary,” Jamie grinned and pointed at the tray still on the bedside table. “Get yerself a ‘lil taste. I’ll help Mako set the table.”

“Don’t grope each other on kitchen table again!” Zarya called after him, earning a delirious giggle in return.

The four of them sure made for a weird constellation. 

Mako had already been legally married to Zarya when Jamie had met him, which had allowed her to stay in Australia even after her visa had expired - he had been quite upfront about it too. Also about the fact that they celebrated their mock anniversary, which had started out as a joke, and had then become a tradition. When Zarya had met Mei, a scientific researcher with a limited visa as well, the solution had almost stared into their faces. 

It must have seemed grotesque for someone not involved in it.  
But for Jamie, his obviously very gay boyfriend and their two incredibly lesbian wives were all his family now. And he really didn’t need anybody else to understand that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, want to apologize to the Meihem side shippers lol  
> As a non-shipper this was really awkward but really funny to write *waves at you over the fence*


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie gets cold feet. Mako's here to save the day. Zarya needs to step in.

Jamie in a suit was the unhappiest sight Mako had ever encountered. Not because the suit didn’t fit him - they had it measured and tailored to him for a pretty penny, so it had better accommodate him. But he was clearly so uncomfortable in it that they might have just as well dressed up a stray dog and expected it to look imposing in any way. His tie had hopelessly tangled itself in the joints of his prosthetic fingers and he looked up from where he was trying to free it to meet Mako’s eyes through the mirror. 

Usually Jamie would throw out some half-assed joke about how this was a sign of how he was not supposed to be in a suit, ever, and why they should have gone through with his plan of a nude wedding at the beach. But there was no smile on his face, not even a grin, just frustration and a good deal of anxiety when Mako looked closer. Carefully, the older man closed the door behind him. 

“Took you long enough,” Jamie snapped, his attention going back to the tedious task of getting his tie unstuck without ruining the silk. “Been fightin’ with this goddamn noose you insist on putting on me for probably a fuckin’ week.” Mako just made a distant noise at the back of his throat, closing the distance between them in just a few steps. He reached for Jamie’s wrist just as the younger man was about to impatiently tear at the tie. It would have just damaged it right along with his prosthetic hand. 

“What’s wrong, Jamison,” he asked, calmly, as if the blond wasn’t shaking when Mako put his other arm around him and pressed their bodies together. “If you do not want to do this, best say it now. We can still cancel everything, you don’t have to do this if you have doubts.”  
In the end, even getting fake married for a visa meant that you still ended up married to a person. Ideally, if both people were on the same page, it remained a piece of paper used to achieve another piece of paper that granted one permanent residence rights. Then they would split up and a third piece of paper was proof that they had no more responsibilities towards each other. End of story. 

If things went wrong, though - well, Mako supposed it could turn out ugly. Being married to somebody gave you rights and accesses no one else could exercise. They had talked about this, in detail. Pre-nups were possible, but just not a good option when you tried to convince Immigrations that you married someone out of love and not so they could stay in the country. 

All of these things Jamie had acknowledged, and then shrugged off. _”I own nothin’ and if ya wanna drag me to court for fifteen dollars an’ a condom, which is what’s in me pocket right now, be my guest”_ were his exact words to Mei, and that had ended the discussion about finances. 

“This was a stupid idea, Mako,” Jamie forced himself to say. And that was new, because usually Jamie rather had to force himself _not_ to say something. Mako sighed.  
Sure, it was better to cancel it now than later, because there was no later. Within the hour he’d be married to Zarya’s girlfriend. But he had no idea how to tell Mei that Jamie had blown the whole thing off last minute, knowing what it would mean for her. 

“I mean, look at me!” Jamie winced, and Mako just frowned at him over his shoulder. “This is never gonna work, they’ll never… who’s supposed to fuckin’ believe that, huh?”  
Plucking the tie free from Jamie’s prosthesis at last, Mako put it away and made Jamie turn so he could look at him. The younger man’s face was even paler than usual and his jaw was clenched tight. 

“Tell me what’s wrong _now_ ,” Mako asked again with more weight in his voice. Jamie tried to avoid his stern gaze, but that was rather difficult as the huge man blocked most of his field of vision. So he focused on Mako’s suit - it was a dark navy blue, adorned with the most adorable polka dot pattern at the lapels, that still looked tame in comparison to the vibrant pink dress shirt he was wearing. The color matched Zarya’s own long, flowy neckhalter dress. Jamie remembered it also featured a sash tied around her waist that was - surprise, surprise - navy blue and white polka dots.

He had called Mako and Zarya ridiculous when they proclaimed that they wanted matching outfits as the happy couple’s best man and maid of honor, but of course it looked absolutely fabulous on his huge boyfriend. 

Jamie wanted to look up and see if he done that pretty French braid he sometimes wore for special occasions. Though, that meant he would have to look up at him. He was already embarrassed enough as it was. 

“Why the fuck are you lookin’ so good in a suit when I’m lookin’ like a dingo that got trapped in an accountant’s closet,” Jamie complained, and despite everything Mako had to smile at that description. “It’s not even fuckin’ funny, mate, I’m gonna walk in there and they’ll call the police ‘n have us all arrested, ‘cause we thought they’d be dumb enough to believe that some smart, successful science lady would get hitched with a crippled fuck-up who barely holds a high school diploma, or— who knows— maybe they’ll just call some of those nice guys with the straightjackets ‘n escort her to a padded room -”

“Jamie,” Mako interrupted the breathless, anxious rambling, gently cupping his pale face between huge hands. “Stop it.” The blond drew a shaky breath, biting his lips to stop himself from just spewing out more of those bitter thoughts. 

He knew Jamie struggled with his disability and how he was treated because of it sometimes. Way less than when Mako had met him, nowadays, but he figured having occasional bad days was justified when you were missing half your limbs. The fact that Jamie had actually pulled himself up by the scruff of his neck and taken on his life again, especially after what must have been a horrific accident, was one of the most impressive accomplishments Mako could imagine.

Everything else was new. 

So, he had no college education - Mako deemed him more than smart enough to get one, if he wanted to. But it was Jamie himself who never showed any interest in academic success. He was a hands-on person, not one to sit in a classroom and study the theory of something. If he wanted to know how things worked, he did not read about them in a book. He took them apart and built them back together. That had never seemed to bother him before, but apparently a man could reach deep for things to stress out about before getting fake married. 

“C’mere,” Mako muttered, taking Jamie by the hand and gently pulling him along the few steps until he could sit down on the small, rather uncomfortable sofa. The blond hesitated for a moment. “C’mere, Jamison, just for a minute,” Mako repeated, squeezing Jamie’s cold, clammy fingers in his large, warm hand, and then, finally, the younger man all but threw himself into Mako’s lap. 

It would wrinkle their suits and the clock was ticking, waiting for Jamie to call the whole thing off for good or pull through with it, but Mako did not seem to have a care in the world when he just wrapped his arms around Jamie’s skinny build. Mako could just envelop him like this, between his massive arms, his broad stature, his huge gut and soft chest, and it never failed to take the edge off when Jamie got himself all worked up like this. 

“I could tell you now that anyone who suggests that you’re not worth someone’s affection or their hand in marriage because of your disability will die an incredibly, horribly painful death. Or that people who think intelligence is proven by a college degree should probably try and pull their heads out of their asses for a change.” Mako’s thumb rubbed softly at Jamie’s nape and the sensitive skin behind his ear - it made him noticeably relax against the older man. His grip around Mako’s shoulders loosened a bit and instead of pressing his face into the thick neck, it turned into a rather gentle nuzzle. 

“You’re one of the smartest people I know. You’re definitely the most strong-willed person I know. You’re clever and--” he mock hesitated for a second. “--sometimes funny.” Jamie snorted against his skin. “You and Mei both could consider yourselves lucky if you were in this for real. But that’s not even the most important thing,” Mako continued, unfazed. “Do you want to know what’s the most important thing?”

Jamie nodded into his neck. “You have to look at me before I tell you.” Reluctantly, Jamie withdrew from his warm resting spot - the anxious shadow on his face still lingered in its sharp edges. Mako met his eyes, a cynical smile tugging on his lips. 

“Absolutely no one gives a shit about why straight couples get married,” he declared with such conviction and sincerity, Jamie couldn’t help but break out in shaky laughter. “It’s true - they don’t second guess it. If there’s two people in front of an altar they feel they can safely identify as male and female, they’ll marry them, no questions asked. You could be seventy and bald and trying to grope the bridesmaid’s ass during the ceremony, you guys would still get married today. You could have met outside in the parking lot and decided ‘my, what a nice day to tie the knot, let’s head over to the townhall’, and you would still get married. It’s why we’re doing this, remember?”

Jamie nodded. He remembered how Mako had told him that ever since he and Zarya had gotten married, the endless public discussions about gay marriage had stopped bothering him. Because whenever some fundamentalist, conservative asshole talked shit about “the sanctity of a union between man and wife”, he knew it was complete bullshit. The sanctity of marriage meant nothing to the state and the government. If he, as an excessively gay man, could simply get hitched with the butchest lesbian in the Southern Hemisphere and have no one bat an eye at that, who were they trying to fool?

Sure, the Immigrations Department was always an issue in their case, but only if they decided to spare this case any interest at all, which wasn’t a given. And the wedding officials themselves, they saw so many couples come and go Mako doubted they remembered the details at the end of the day. 

A knock on the door interrupted them, and then Zarya was peeking into the room, furrowing her brow when she caught them snuggled up on the sofa instead of preparing Jamie for the ceremony. “What are you doing? it is not honeymoon yet!” she scolded them, and finally a lopsided grin appeared on Jamie’s face again. 

“Mako’s helpin’ me fix the tie,” he said, as if he wasn’t obviously lying, sitting on the older man’s lap, with the tie lying on the dresser at the other side of the room.

Zarya sighed deeply, marching into the room with her pink gown flowing breezily around her ankles - a rare sight on a woman who otherwise seemed intent to single-handedly bring spandex back into fashion. She picked up the tie, put it around Jamie’s neck, and fastened it in about ten seconds with well-practiced, quick movements.

“There, it is fixed,” she said pointedly, giving them both a look that said she did not even want to know what they had been doing while decidedly _not_ fixing Jamie’s tie. 

“Should’ve thought to ask a carpet muncher for help with a tie,” the blond joked, promptly receiving a smack to his head for his efforts, something that only Zarya could pull off and still make it look affectionate. 

“Come now, it’s time,” she told them, squeezing Mako’s shoulder before she headed out again. 

Mako wasn’t nearly in the same rush - his hand was rubbing at Jamie’s hip absentmindedly, and he would not have minded just staying with his boyfriend like this for a moment longer. Jamie seemed to agree with that sentiment, because instead of getting up, he just leaned into Mako, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips and then finally a curious hand reached out to stroke his silky, braided hair.  
“Can you wear it like that when we get married one day…?” Jamie mumbled against his lips. Mako made a sound of agreement before simply kissing the younger man again. Seeing as he didn’t have to bother with Jamie’s tie anymore, he figured they could just as well spare the last few minutes for something more enjoyable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This AU is turning so cheesy I kinda hate myself for it - but sometimes you just need to gorge on the fluff, so please don't judge me too harshly QQ


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Different house - different rules.

“Surpriiiiiise!” 

Even in circumstances where Jamie tried to keep his perpetually loud voice down, he still rendered the invention of telecommunication useless, but this morning he wasn’t even trying. Mei frowned a bit at him from where she was peeking out the only half open front door, hair still tousled from sleep.

“What do you want?” she skeptically asked the over-excited man on her front porch, who had been her ex-husband for a year now. But Jamie was still her neighbour, and admittedly her friend too, when she wasn’t busy being wary of his motives whenever something thrilled the blond so. Today, he seemed about ready to burst out of his skin, the grin stretching his face so wide it had to be painful. 

“What do you mean ‘what do I want’?” he imitated her with a grimace. “Mako told me the good news! And I brought you a gift!” He held out a paper bag in baby blue with white polka dots and the obligatory picture of a bundle-carrying stork in front of her, all but teetering on the tip of his toes - and the prosthetic leg. “You’re going to love it, _I_ love it and I’m not even the one who’s having a b-”

“Mei, who is that?” Zarya called from somewhere inside the house, making the blond roll his eyes at being interrupted. 

“It’s just Jamie with a gift for the baby!”, Mei informed her over her shoulder. Now she was smiling fondly and took a step back to let Jamie in, when they heard something heavy crash upstairs. 

“NO!”, Zarya yelled, sounding so panicked it wiped the grin even from Jamie’s face. “ _Mei, net! Ne smey prinimat ot nego nikakih podarkov!_ [No, Mei, no, don’t take it]! No presents! Don’t let him in!” Jamie could only stare flabbergasted as the big Russian woman stormed down, stopped to gently steer Mei away from the door, before stepping outside and closing it behind her as pointedly as a prison door. 

“ _Zaberi eto obratno!_ [Take this away!]” Zarya demanded, staring at the gift bag as if it had just insulted her entire family while forcing Jamie to retreat with just her body language alone. “Take it! No presents for pregnant woman, it is… it is… _plohaya primeta_. Bad luck! Bad luck bringing gift for baby that is not born yet! Are you insane, bringing this here?”

Judging from Jamie’s completely dumbstruck face, this was the first time he had been told that he wasn’t supposed to get a gift for an expecting mother. Figured, he thought. The first time he actually cared about someone having a baby, and then even thought to get a little surprise gift for them, he wasn’t just forbidden from doing so, no, the way Zarya had bullied him from her front porch you’d have thought he had threatened to push Mei in front of the next bus. “I - I- I didn’t… mean to… I didn’t know that!” he finally stammered, his posture slumping a bit in defeat. “So I have to hold onto that for another five months?” That seemed a bit extreme, and when Zarya crossed her arms in front of her chest and shook her head no, he was almost relieved she came to her senses and let him drop of this one tiny gift. 

“No, don’t hold on. You return it. No buying gifts for baby until baby is born.”

Jamie’s mouth fell open. That was even worse! “So you mean I can’t get you guys _anything?_ ” That was a slap to the face. After all the years he had spent with Mako and Zarya, his then-wife, legally, only to get married on paper to Zarya’s girlfriend so she could stay - yes, sometimes he woke up at night and was still confused about that arrangement himself - Jamie considered them _all_ his family. Especially since he had no blood relatives left. None that were worth mentioning anyway. 

And now that both Mako’s and his ex-wife - it didn’t really get less complicated with time - had finally been permitted unlimited stay and could be together, they even lived next door to each other. If he wanted to visit Zarya and Mei, he didn’t have to leave the yard, there wasn’t even a fence between their two plots. And now, that their weirdly grown and connected family would finally receive a new addition, he was supposed to ignore that for the next five months?

“What about a crib? I’ll build you the best crib, Zarya, c’mon, it’s going to be beautiful, and I’ll attach a ‘lil baby mobile. You’ll be a figurine, slaying a bear or something, and then I’ll make Mei with an extra big fur coat, or… or… a mobile with Chinese dragons and those swirly clouds! Zarya, c’mon, think about it! ”

Jamie could see from her softening posture that she was indeed warming up to his ideas, but she still shook her head when she placed both big hands on his shoulders. 

“You have sweet idea, Jamie, but no. No present before baby is born. Promise.”

Jamie tried to stare her down for about eight seconds - but there was no humor to be found in the face of a Russian who was giving you a stern talk. None at all. Not for a split-second. Finally, Jamie sighed in exasperation. 

“Fiiiiine, okay, as you will - that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, but ok, no presents,” he sighed, not feeling particularly consoled when she patted his shoulder. 

-

“Can you believe that? They don’t want _anything_ until Mei gives birth. Nothing, no clothes, no toys, I’m not even allowed to furnish the baby room! It’s just a crib and a changing table, that’s not even real gifts, it’s just… things!” Jamie complained to Mako that evening, trying to drown his disappointment in double chocolate mousse with a raspberry reduction drizzled all over it - one of those delicious treats Mako whipped up so quickly he made it look as easy as breathing. It wasn’t, Jamie had tried his hand at some desserts - and quickly found out why Mako was pastry chef in some upscale restaurant, and not him. He’d be damned if he’d ever remember the fancy French word for Mako’s profession. The older man kept telling him, and Jamie kept forgetting it. 

“That’s not up for you to decide,” Mako told him patiently, and Jamie grumbled into his mousse. As much as you could grumble into something that was so fingerlicking good. 

“But, what if - !”

“No. There’s no _buts_ here, Jamie. This is their decision, and if this is what Zarya believes, you just have to accept it.”

Jamie rolled his eyes, sucking thoughtfully on the spoon. “How does that even work, you can’t bring home a baby and have nothing prepared!” 

Mako watched his boyfriend, who had huddled into a corner of the luxuriously big couch with his chocolaty treat, and smiled fondly. When Zarya had first told him about their plans, he hadn’t been sure what Jamie would think about it. Not that it mattered much, but still Mako had realized, he knew next to nothing about his boyfriend’s opinion on children. Probably because the topic was really not worth discussing as a gay couple with more than two decades of an age gap between them, and Jamie had assured him he was fine without ever having any himself. To see him so excited now came as quite a surprise. 

Mako laughed when he shrugged. “It’s just a baby, Jamie, you can strap them to your own body for the first six months and they’re happy with that. It won’t need furniture for a long time.”

Jamie sighed. “Well it doesn’t need a custom fitted kitchen, but a crib…? I know you’re trying to ‘make me see her point’ or whatever, but you do think it’s ridiculous too, don’t you?” He frowned at Mako, who made a noncommittal sound. 

“I don’t know. People believe in weird things all over the world.” Suddenly, he grinned. “Do you remember Reinhardt, our sous chef?”

Jamie’s eyes lit up at the memory. “I could never forget a man who makes barbecue ribs like that.” 

Mako snorted. “Anyway, you remember him, laid-back guy, funny, highly professional, you’d think he’d be a really rational man, right? Well, last year, he completely freaked because our head waitress had the audacity to wish him a happy birthday in advance before her holidays.” He nodded at Jamie’s incredulous, and not quite understanding face. 

“I thought it was women who get upset about their birthdays when they get older…?”

“No, no, it’s not about that. Apparently, in Germany, where he’s from, it’s considered really bad luck to wish people a happy birthday in advance. You can do it on a later date, but under no circumstances can you do it _before_ the actual birthday. And it’s not just a joke or something to them, he was not laughing.”

Jamie squinted at him. “I sense that there’s a lesson somewhere in that story…?” he said, scraping the bowl clean from the last bits of chocolate mousse. 

“The point is, our head waitress didn’t mean anything by it, and to her - and all of us, really - that’s a ridiculous thing to get upset about, but he was! For him, it means bad luck, whyever they believe that. It doesn’t even matter why they do it, they just do. It’s the same with Zarya. She believes if you get Mei or the baby presents, it means serious harm for them. Reinhardt believes you have to wait until someone’s actual birthday or after until you congratulate, or you’ll doom them to a year of misfortune. So if you’re their friend, you’ll have to respect that, whether it seems silly to you or not.”

Jamie let his head drop back into the couch dramatically. “Fine,” he muttered, a bit unhappily still. “No presents then.”

-

Of course Jamie found a way to weasel around Zarya’s rule. In a way that was permitted by her. He fixed all the electric outlets in the house, he installed smoke detectors and a high-end security system. He checked Mei’s car and replaced her break discs, oil and air filters and just because he could— all the lamps too. The more both women told him he didn’t have to do all this and they could just hire someone, the more Jamie seemed to find that needed repairing. Before some tiny person got hurt on loose floorboards or a nail peeking from the porch railing. 

“You’re really excited for that kid, huh…?” Mako murmured, when Jamie slipped into bed next to him at some ungodly hour, probably after making another list of things he needed to get from the hardware store. Mako didn’t even know how he could still need to get things from there, their garage looked like a _Bunnings_ outlet already. 

“Sure! You think it’s gonna come soon? I swear Mei’s been pregnant for like a year now,” Jamie said, crawling under Mako’s blanket and scooting up to him until he could press his face between the older man’s shoulder blades, wrapping one arm around the big guy. 

Mako just shrugged, sleepily rubbing at his face. “Dunno…,” he mumbled, placing his hand over Jamie’s that was resting on his belly. “You ever regret we’re not gonna have any ourselves…?” he asked finally, into the darkness of their bedroom. It was always easy to say you weren’t interested in kids, if you were in your early twenties and recovering from a major trauma after some fucked up accident, but at almost thirty and in safe waters, the apprehension that Jamie would at some point want another future than the one Mako could offer him, gnawed at him relentlessly. 

Behind him, Jamie tensed up for a bit, before he shook his head. “First of all, I still mean what I told you years ago when we had that talk. I don’t want kids of my own. I just barely got to the point where I’m fine with myself again, where I can take care of me and just… have plans for my life.” Jamie shrugged. “I don’t wanna be anyone’s father, that’s just all the stupid responsibility and stress. But I do wanna be an uncle, because you can be a fucking cool uncle. Bedtime? Meal plans? Not my problem, that’s their mums’s problem. But if they wanna know how to build a flamethrower or need a bed to sleep off their first buzz or want some unqualified relationship advice, that’s what I’m here for.”

The tension drained from Mako like air out of a balloon and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Please don’t let them build a flamethrower.”

Jamie grinned. “Not right away, probably. Just once their arms are strong enough to hold one.” He squeezed at Mako’s soft belly affectionately. “And who knows, maybe you’re not really fat, but just thirty-six months along, we might be surprised ye -”

With a half annoyed, half amused huff, Mako reached behind him to grab the screeching blond and pull him over his own body until he could grasp him in a mock chokehold. It didn’t take long, with Jamie wiggling and squirming for their mixed laughter to turn into playful panting, and finally drawn-out moans muffled by heated kisses. 

-

“Mei’s in the hospital! Zarya just called. Her water broke in the supermarket or something, and Zarya almost beat up some old fuck who complained about the mess and now - Jamie?” Mako hadn’t even gotten to finish his sentence before the blond jumped from the porch, sprinting towards his car as best as he could with his prosthetic leg, before turning halfway and running back into the house. 

“Jamie, where the fuck are you going? Mei just got admitted, giving birth can take hours, you know -”

“Yes, yes, I know, move your goddamn ass, we have stuff to buy!”

“What?”

“You and I, weeee -” Jamie hectically gestured between the two of them “ - will go and pick out all the materials I need for the crib, and the dresser, and the mobile and like seven other things I thought about during the past five months. THANK GOD this nonsense is over, I’m a fucking wreck, I was convinced she’d breed that baby for another year or so just to spite me…” He vanished inside where Mako could hear him mumble and shuffle about, and finally returned with the car keys and both their wallets. “Let’s go, let’s go, _let’s go_!”

-

Three days later Mei and Zarya brought home their baby boy. His formerly empty room was painted in a sunny yellow with white borders, baby pandas and baby brown bears tumbled across the wall, playing ball, sniffing at flowers or cuddled together sleeping. The crib was made from lacquered white wood with a silky canopy, and of course Jamie had attached a mobile. There was a Chinese dragon and a lotus flower, as pink as Zarya liked to dye her hair, but also small babushka dolls that made Zarya giggle. It had been painted with so much detail, they assumed Mako had taken care of that. For a guy as big as he was, he was surprisingly delicate in decorations, whether it be cakes or apparently Russian dolls. 

The dresser was from the same white wood, the soft cushioning of the changing station though was a bright print of cartoony desserts, and a box full of Mei’s favorite cookies on top of it. 

Mei would have cried. She and Jamie were very different, and despite them bonding easily over science documentaries and science-fiction movies accompanied by food creations that made Mako pull a face, they sometimes still found it hard to agree in their approaches or opinions. But he had outdone himself this time in more than one way for them and so she could only smile when she found him passed out in the guest bedroom. Yellow paint had dried on his face and hands, and the overlarge, formerly white shirt, was grey from saw dust and sweat, and sprinkled with more paint. His arm was lovingly thrown over his half-emptied toolbox, the bed was cluttered with small plastic boxes full of spare nails and screws and all those tiny metal pieces Jamie claimed had one use or the other. 

“You are very lucky,” she whispered to her sleeping son. “You have the strongest, most amazing, dearest mum in the world, and two really, really great uncles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this schmoopy AU, all my fluffy feelings flow into this
> 
> Special thanks to [helixd](http://helixd.tumblr.com/) for helping me translate Zarya's lines!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments or come hang out at my [tumblr](https://piggyofoz.tumblr.com/)! (NSFW tumblr version [here](https://piggyofoz-nsfw.tumblr.com/).)


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